Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs by Hassan Steven

Author:Hassan, Steven [Hassan, Steven]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Freedom of Mind Press
Published: 2012-07-03T00:00:00+00:00

Show interest in the cult identity

A good way to develop trust is to begin a dialogue with the cult identity. When he or she tells you, “Oh, it’s incredible! I’m doing these amazing things. you can say, “Tell me something that was really important to you this week. Describe it in detail. I’d like to know,” or, “Give me an example of how you feel.” Asking for examples, and counter-examples, is crucial when you are gathering information. Your loved one might say, “When I was meditating, I had a really profound experience.” In that case, you could say, “Tell me how it felt. Have you ever felt that way before? When?” This kind of question might help the cult member reconnect with his non-cult past. If your loved one replies, “When I was fifteen years old and fishing on the lake," you have just elicited the authentic identity. That is an important step. Then you can introduce a counter-example: “Have you had any experience that left you feeling lonely or disoriented? What did that feel like?”

Getting the cult member to talk about his experience provides an opportunity to build bridges. If you have had a similar experience, it might build rapport and trust. Experiment with ways for the cult member to provide you with information about his experience. If your loved one is artistic, ask him to write a poem or a song. Do any of the family members or friends practice meditation? If so, that person could describe his own experience. This communicates to the cult member, “You’re not alone. You don’t have to submit to a cult to have that experience.”

How do you know if there is a good rapport? Ask your loved one: On a scale of one (low) to ten (high) “How much do you trust me?” Remember, this is a process. Ask, “What can I do you to make you feel more comfortable with me?”

If the response is to read a cult book, or attend a cult meeting, then fulfill the request. Families sometimes miss opportunities when their expectation is merely to convince the person to leave the cult. Impatience will only reduce rapport with the cult identity and reinforce cult indoctrination.

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